Stressors and Conversion Reaction - Truth From Gloria

Have you ever remembered a dream that was obviously telling you something you could no longer supress from your subconscious mind?  I’ve had more than a few of these since facing and battling cancer.  The subconscious is an amazingly powerful thing.  Last night, I had an experience that was reminiscent of one I’d had in my early 30’s that I did NOT care to repeat!  I woke up to use the bathroom and felt my right knee buckling underneath me.  I simply could not bear weight on that foot without consciously stiffening my leg from the knee up to keep me from falling!  Thankfully, I soon realized that my upper leg had merely fallen “asleep” as it began tingling and coming to life before I returned to bed.

There is a strange phenomenon, called “hysterical conversion reaction”, when the body warns the mind that there is trouble brewing.  A limb may become suddenly useless without any physical cause.  This happened to me prior an inevitable divorce from my past marriage while I was walking down the hall of the hospital where my former husband worked. I was heading for the cafeteria where we had agreed to have lunch and, yet again, discuss our bleak future.  It was so unexplainable that, after nearly falling to the floor, I sought a medical opinion from the nearby office of an orthopedist who was willing to talk to me without an appointment.  He motioned for me to sit down in the chair across from his desk while I told him what had just happened to my leg.  Kind concern crossed his face and seemingly unhurried, he calmly asked me this question, “What’s going on in your life at home?”  At first, I was taken aback, and then burst into tears.  How could he know our well kept family secret?

I’ve been thinking a lot about that mind/body connection while here in the hospital in Germany, where all patients are encouraged to look at the various aspects and contributors to our “symptom” of cancer.  Looking back on my life so riddled with fear and anxiety and left-over habits from childhood patterns, I’m not too surprised when I learn they might have something to do with the big “C” wake-up-call I’m facing.  Standing on our own two feet instead of always adapting to the expectations of others is a must!  Someone named J. Kirshnamurti once stated a very simple truth that “If you begin to understand what you are without trying to change it, then what you are undergoes a transformation”.

Somehow we seem to have been under an illusion that if one follows the rules and works hard to keep everyone happy, everything will come up roses.  Adapting to our circumstances is initially helpful but according to the brain function specialist and author of Mind Waves, Arlene Taylor, PhD., for our own mental and physical well being, prolonged adaptation is NOT!  I for one, refuse to stay stuck in denial of this life threatening adaptation.  Constantly trying to conform to the supposed or real expectations of others, is a formula for failure when it comes to many ailments which include fatigue, lack of concentration, risk of burnout, midlife crisis AND major illness.

Living authentically involves making some conscious choices. I want to always remember that “above all, to thine own self, be true!”

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